just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
