The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
