Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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