you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
