will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
