ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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