oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
