Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
