I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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