I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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