No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize