No awkward lesbian experiences without me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
