Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
