girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
In America we eat man semen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
