if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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