Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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