I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Randomize
