I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
