I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize