why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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