Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
