I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we're so committed to being not committed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
