booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
