She's JV to your varsity
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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