You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
