i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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