I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
