you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
