i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
