hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
