I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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