If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
