you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
