just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
