The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
