shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
