All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are the jesus of drinking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
