in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
