Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
