did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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