let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize