my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
