why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
