It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
