I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize