just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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