she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
