i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
