at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
