OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
