he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
