i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
