Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
