i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize