I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
