No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
