Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
