Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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