Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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