I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize