i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
