...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
