never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize