I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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