too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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