Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
