did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
