barbara walters just said penis...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize