Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
