but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
