my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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