Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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