he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
