I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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