i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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