I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
