It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
