Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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