we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
