I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
