This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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