i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
