Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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