Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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