i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
