i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
