ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
