dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
