she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is Oprah even human
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
